Partners in Pain

Oh Lord my God, my partner in Pain,

You are not my Partner only to come to my rescue and deliver me out of all suffering. No sir! You have never said, “No stretching HER, no wrenching or twisting of HER heart, no agony of HER spirit or HER body. 

But ahhh, yes! When the covenant promises find their end result, the inheritance will be ALL mine; a life with no more sorrows, no more wrenching pain, a body raised up incorruptible, no more sickness, no more death, no more wrestling with agony from inside or from without. Yes, one day it IS coming, but until then, you have promised me that I’m going to get some scars that I, like You, will carry with me into eternity. Scars that for all eternity will be reminders that we laid down our lives in exchange for the others life. 

Every part of my flesh wants to be delivered from this! “Remove this cup from me! I don’t WANT these things to happen this way,” is my plea! I would like to have a covenant partner who just delivers me from all pain, who comes to my rescue and says, “NO WAY” to all things soul wrenching! Instead I have a covenant partner who walks close beside me, hangs onto me, keeps me held up so I don’t fall beneath the load; one who has told me by His own life that people will see and know the True God and desire Him when they see people who live in the reality of their world, who hurt like they do; people who have fightings within and fears without and they walk the path of sacrifice and suffering…..STILL CLAIMING ABUNDANT LIFE!!! No pain or heartache able to put out their hope; something inside them that cannot be destroyed no matter how horrific the blows.

I tell you, people will sit up and listen to a life like this! They say, “She knows what real life feels like and yet, there is a strength within her that I need.” People want to know how to live in the reality of a broken and hurting world because as much as we long to claim that it is otherwise, we ARE living in a broken and hurting world. We ARE living in one!!! 

So, how can we make it? We have a covenant partner who knows how to sacrifice. He tells me, “No, child, you CAN’T do it, but I can and I am here to do for you what you are too weak to do. I know how to hurt. I know how to suffer. I’ve done it. I know how to sacrifice…..to degrees unknown. And child, I know how to come out on the other side as the victor. Take my hand, hold on tight, and I will walk you through it.”

Someday, my Lord, I hope that our scars will show, like yours. Some people want to go into eternity without a single scar to show for it. They want YOU to be the only scarred one and they to have gotten off scar free. Not me, my Lord. I want eternity to tell the story that I thought this partnership to be worth something. I, like Paul, want to carry on my body the brand marks of Jesus, saying, “This relationship was worth some scars to me.” You will carry your scars for me forever, but I don’t want it to be a one way street. You are worth something to me; You are worth some scars.

Strange, strange scenario. The one with the most scars in the end will receive the most reward, for they are the ones who thought You most worth it. There will be a lot of people there who will have a lot more reward than I, for many have suffered far, far more. But where and when you do allow me to suffer, I will consider it an honor to tell the world, “He is worth it. He is worth it!!!!!” 

For THAT, my Lord is what You have told the world about me!

100 Characteristics of Big Girls

As a new grandmother, I have been deeply pondering just what I desire to help instill in my posterity. I see it as such a high and holy calling to have the privilege of praying for my grandchild's life and future.

As I have pondered specific things to pray for her, I have made a list.

On my list is that I and her mommie and all other women who will be influential in her life would demonstrate what it means to be a big girl.

So...for myself, I have made a list of 100 "Big Girl Characteristics"; things I want to be very conscious about demonstrating before her little eyes.

May you, my sweet darling child be so privileged as to live among big girls whom you can emulate.

I love you! And my prayers for you will never cease!

100 Big Girl Characteristics

1.Big girls show kindness to all people; even extraordinary kindness to those who have been unkind to her or those that she loves.

2. Big girls are unassuming, never assigning feelings or motives to others that are mere speculation.

3. Big girls have little concern over being overlooked because they aren't living to be looked at!

4. Big girls practice self control.

5. Big girls don't slander.

6. Big girls don't gossip.

7. Big girls don't listen to gossip or slander and don't believe everything they hear.

8. Big girls aren't mean.

9. Big girls are not known as people who are hard or impossible to please.

10. Big girls don't think that somebody must be blamed for every problem.

11. Big girls know that if they want to be respected as a lady, they are going to have to act like a lady.

12. Big girls are not manipulators.

13. Big girls do not allow themselves to be used or manipulated. Without being unkind, they simply back away.

14. Big girls are not demanding, expecting people to jump at their every wish or request. They do not portray the attitude that they are the only one with a need.

15. Big girls go the extra mile.

16. Big girls know that nothing in the world came to us for free. If we have it, SOMEBODY worked for it.

17. Big girls say, "Thank you"!

18. Big girls leave a place better than they found it and people feeling better about themselves after having been in their presence.

19. Big girls still say "Yes, Ma'am" and "Yes Sir" to their Mama and Daddy.

20. Big girls never, ever, ever show disrespect to their parents or elders.

21. Big girls make their parents feel important, value their words, seek their advice, and recognize their contributions to themselves and others and ABSOLUTELY NEVER make them feel small in their own eyes or in others eyes.

22. Big girls take good care of all that has been entrusted to them.

23. Big girls try not to be a burden to others, but can humbly and gratefully accept help on occasions when it is needed.

24. Big girls know when and how to zip their lip; that if there is any question as to whether or not to speak, DON'T!

25. Big girls look for the good in others.

26. Big girls are modest and don't flaunt themselves.

27. Big girls prepare for the future and for their children's future.

28. Big girls are real and genuine.

29. Big girls ask questions and get their facts straight and don't mouth off about things they don't understand.

30. Big girls don't seek to look good by bragging on themselves nor by putting others down.

31. Big girls can be trusted with a secret.

32. Big girls do their good deeds privately if at all possible, never seeking recognition and accolades.

33. Big girls have the grace to overlook wrongs or insensitive actions, realizing that we're all just flawed human beings, including herself.

34. Big girls never make a public display of others shortcomings.

35. Big girls make room for others to be different than her and don't assume that differences make others wrong but rather make life more interesting.

36. Big girls cover flaws in others rather than exposing them.

37. Big girls protect whom and what they love; but they leave defending whom and what they love to God.

38. Big girls know how to be firm without being mean.

39. Big girls can laugh at themselves.

40. Big girls know their limits and do not carry guilt when they need to say, "No."

41. Big girls desire another's happiness and success even at the expense of some of their own.

42. Big girls live in the knowledge that they may not (and probably don't) know what it's like to live in another's skin and therefore give them every benefit of the doubt.

43. Big girls Never expect the world to be responsible for their messes or their happiness.

44. Big girls do not create drama or pull others into their problems.

45. Big girls talk to God about people, not to people about people.

46. Big girls live with the ever present knowledge that it is God's way to cause life to be doled out to us in the same way that we have doled it out to others and therefore they treat everyone as they want to be treated.

47. Big girls accept an apology graciously and gratefully, making it easy for others to apologize when necessary, remembering that the time will surely come when it is THEY who will have the difficult and humbling task of asking forgiveness.

48. Big girls don't make excuses.

49. Big girls are not lazy. They work hard.

50. Big girls know how to wait patiently.

51. Big girls think before they act or speak.

52. Big girls have goals.

53. Big girls Control their tongues!

54. Big girls don't whine and complain.

55. Big girls are not insensitive of others time by talking incessantly.

56. Big girls are honest and worthy of trust; beginning with being honest with themselves before God.

57. Big girls are more preoccupied with how "I" can improve than how someone else should improve.

58. Big girls aren't overly sensitive.

59. Big girls aren't easily offended.

60. Big girls are generous with compliments and encouraging words.

61. Big girls know how to share.

62. Big girls give credit where and when credit is due.

63. Big girls know when enough is enough and where to draw a line in the sand. They do not give away their dignity at the altar of abuse.

64. Big girls are not quitters.

65. Big girls do not "suck up" to people that they think they can gain some notoriety from. They treat all people the same.

66. Big girls value truth more than they value being popular. They don't fall for the lie that to teach truth is not loving.

67. Big girls look first and foremost to themselves when conflict arises and seek to know how they themselves can improve through the conflict.

69.Big girls are never too big or too old to seek advice and counsel from their Mama's or other older women.

70. Big girls cherish relationships and take more thought to what they can give than what they can get.

71. Big girls care more about others than about themselves.

72. Big girls seek God's agenda for their lives.

73. Big girls keep their priorities in order.

74. Big girls take responsibility seriously and are dependable.

75. Big girls listen well, both with their ears and with their eyes.

76. Big girls genuinely rejoice when others are praised or recognized.

77. Big girls are not jealous because another's happiness means every bit as much to them as their own.

78. Big girls are deeply appreciative of every kind thing another may do for them and gratitude is a defining characteristic of her life.

79. Big girls do not think that everything in life is about competition or about them.

80. Big girls know how to have fun responsibly.

81. Big girls have healthy self esteem because they know that people do not define them; God does.

82. Big girls are open and appreciative of constructive criticism when it is being offered from a heart that loves them and wants good things for them.

83. Big girls take a solid, unashamed stand for truth in the most loving way possible.

84. Big girls make wise choices, one day at a time.

85. Big girls don't use sarcasm or innuendos. They don't talk down at people.

86. Big girls are not perfect but they know how to say, "I'm sorry", and "I was wrong" and mean it.

87. Big girls are sensitive to the feelings of others.

88. Big girls would rather be known for their wisdom than for their position or social status.

89. Big girls do not solicit pity or indulge in self pity.

90. Big girls are courageous.

91. Big girls are confident.

92. Big girls need no ones approval but God's.

93. Big girls keep their promises.

94. Big girls allow their husbands to wear the britches.

95. Big girls are not bossy.

96. Big girls do not feel the need to avenge themselves but leave that responsibility to God.

97. Big girls never, ever, ever think they have reached a place of superiority in any area! They are always learning and improving.

98. Big girls are very much involved in the world while remaining distinctly separate.

99. Big girls do not have the "Superwoman Syndrome." They know how and when to rest.

100. Big girls know that it is impossible to truly be a big girl without the Spirit of the living God controlling their lives daily.

ARE WORLD EVENTS ADDING UP TO THE SUMMING UP OF ALL THINGS? PART 1

Are World Events Adding Up to the Summing Up of All Things? Part 1

August 6, 2009 at 5:02pm

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Are World Events Adding Up to the Summing Up of All Things?
Part I
As many of my FB friends know all too well, I have recently finished teaching an in-depth study of the book of Revelation. As you read my almost weekly status updates, perhaps you would have agreed with my daughter when she said, “Mom, you’re kinda freaking out, aren’t you?” Well, let me tell you! I think that is a fairly accurate statement! Although I have studied this book in the past, this time became very, very different. As I taught from week to week, I also watched before my very eyes as world events eerily seemed to be shaping up for these very events to take place. I began to feel a sense of urgency that I have never before felt in my life; a burden to snatch as many as possible, through whatever means possible, from the terrible time of Tribulation that Jesus prophesied would come upon this earth. A time “such as has not occurred since the beginning of the world until now, nor ever shall.” (Matt. 24:21) I would not wish these events on my worst enemy, much less any of you, my beloved friends!
While I do not consider myself in any way to be a Bible Scholar, I do believe that God is able to reveal truth to even me because I desire desperately to know it and am willing to obey what is revealed to me, whatever the cost. (John 7:17) I will try to be as brief as possible as I share with you my conclusions as they relate to current events. I will leave to you the responsibility of studying the Scriptures on your own to see if my conclusions are your own as well. IF mine are accurate, we are on a fast track toward the summing up of all things; the fulfillment of God’s eternal plan for the earth and it’s inhabitants.
So....that being said, please hang with me as I build on a few foundational truth’s necessary for an understanding of the book of Revelation.
1. God revealed to Daniel that there were 490 years decreed to complete His plan for the Jewish people. (Daniel 9:24-27)
2. 483 of those years have been fulfilled precisely, to the day, as God told Daniel they would be.(Daniel 9:25-26a describe those years) If you know the history of the nation of Israel, you will find this utterly astounding!!!
3. There are 7 years still pending for God to complete His plan for the nation of Israel. These 7 years are referred to as the “Tribulation,” the “Great Tribulation,” the “time of Jacob’s (Israel’s) trouble,” and the “Day of the Lord.” (Matt. 24:9,21; Jer. 30:7; II Thes. 2:2) This time of Tribulation will occur at the “end of time” as we know it.
4. Rev. 5-20:3 is a detailed account of these 7 years of Tribulation, which God will precisely perform, even as He has the 483 yrs.
5. At some point, before these 7 years begin, believers in Christ will be “snatched up” in what is widely known as the rapture of the church. (I Thes. 4:13-17; I Cor. 15:51-53)
Many do not understand that the rapture (being “caught up”) and the Second Coming of Christ to earth are two separate events. In the rapture, believers are “caught up” to be with the Lord. (Note Scriptures above) In the Second Coming, Christ, along with all previously raptured saints will return TO THE EARTH to set up His eternal kingdom on earth!! The prayer that you and I have prayed all our lives, “Thy kingdom COME, Thy will be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven” will finally be answered at His second coming! There are some who believe that these two events happen simultaneously. I tend to disagree with this view because of the previously noted Scriptures. Either way, HE IS COMING AGAIN TO THIS EARTH. We will either be here for the 7 years of Tribulation or we won’t. My study has led me to believe that we won’t. (The “we” I am speaking of are genuine believers whose lives have been transformed by Jesus Christ) ALL OTHERS WILL BE HERE! The purpose of this 7 yrs., as I stated before, is to fulfill God’s plan for the Jew’s.
A little added addendum may of interest to you here. The Old Testament has over 300 SPECIFIC prophecies (meaning easily understood, no interpretation necessary) of the first coming of Christ. (His virgin birth, His birthplace, Bethlehem, etc.) NOW.......chew on this for a moment if you will. Statisticians agree that the chance of ONLY 8 of those 300 being fulfilled in one person is 1 chance in 10 to the 17th power!! That’s for only 8! And ALL 300 were literally fulfilled! Just thought you might like to go figure on that one for a while! IT WOULD BE VERY WISE FOR US TO TAKE LITERALLY THE PROPHECIES OF HIS SECOND COMING, DON’T YOU THINK????
A very interesting and legitimate question arises here. If you are a Gentile and you are “left behind” at the rapture, can you be saved during this time or have you completely lost your chance? I will not be dogmatic here. Many learned scholars have differing views on this question. I personally believe that God purposefully left the answer to this question somewhat obscure for a reason. (I will leave you to figure out what that reasoning may be on your own.) I will say only this.....IF you are left behind:
1. There is at least a possibility that your heart will be hardened so that you will believe the lies of the Antichrist. (Please read II Thes. 2:11,12)
2. There is an enormously strong possibility that you will be killed by war, famine, natural disasters (worldwide earthquakes, asteroid or meteor showers, enormous hailstones), plagues, etc.(Rev. 6:8,12-17; 8:8-12)
3. Should you miraculously survive these things, you will be required to take the “mark of the beast” on your hand or forehead in order to buy or sell ANYTHING! (Rev. 13:16,17) Those who take the mark MAY be able to survive the 7 yrs., but will lose the opportunity forever to be a part of God’s eternal kingdom on this wonderfully and newly created earth. Those who refuse the mark in favor of belief in Jesus Christ, the true Messiah, will likely die of starvation or at the hands of the Antichrist as a martyr, yet will enter into Christ eternal kingdom at Tribulation’s end. (Rev. 14:9-11; 16:2; 19:20; 20:4)
PLEASE trust me on this! You DO NOT want to wait until you experience this time to make your decision as to whether or not to hang all your faith on the ONE whose first coming was for the purpose of redeeming you from this evil world system; to take your personal sin onto Himself, kill and bury it; to provide the one and ONLY means of escape.
If you have not done so, please fall on your knees today and cry out with all your heart, “God! Have mercy on me, a sinner! Save me! I repent of my unbelief. I place all my trust in You alone for eternal life.”
Keep your eyes on the sky, my beloved friends! He could split the skies at any moment!

Part 2.....concerning current world events is coming. But DON’T WAIT FOR IT BEFORE YOU PLACE YOUR LIFE AND ETERNITY IN HIS CARE! Please, please...If you hear His voice today, do not harden your hearts to it. (Heb. 4:7)
His Word is trustworthy. He IS coming again! We may be looking eternity in the face sooner than we think!
Stayed tuned for part two! All my love and prayers for you all!
Bonnie Isbell 

The Last Time I Heard My Mother's Sweet Voice

The Last Time I heard my Mother's sweet voice

April 15, 2014 at 10:54am

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Crazy!! A whole year has passed since I heard my Morher's sweet, sweet voice.

It was April 14, 2013.
Mama had been admiring a big faced watch that I wore, so I had gone and bought her one just like mine. I had picked up a few other things to take to her and headed over to Wills Creek Village where she lived out her twilight years.
When I went in her room that day, she was sitting on her sofa circling words like she so often did. Circling words.... Circling words.... It had become her favorite past time...and it always sent a stab of pain through my heart. My Mama was SITTING for hours at a time with nothing to do but circle words!
If you knew my Mama, this was not her! If ever there was a "Martha" personality, busy, busy, ever so busy, it was her!
When I walked in her room, she immediately smiled that huge, happy smile, put down her "circle the words" book, and stood up to hug me. I held her and held her. When she began to pull away that day, I couldn't let her go. I felt like I wanted to just hold on to her forever, so I held on, holding my precious mother for a long time. Then I held her face in my hands, looked in her smiling eyes and asked her if she knew how much I loved her. Oh, she knew and I knew...as well as we COULD know. But do you really know how very much you treasure a soul until they are gone and you CAN'T look in their eyes and hold them and tell them again???
We sat and visited for a while and laughed and talked....I don't remember about what. I put some things I'd brought her away and then sat down on her couch with her, pulled out the new watch, put it on her, and showed her how to close the clasp. When you have little to do but circle words all day, a little thing like sporting a pretty, new watch is exciting stuff and I knew she'd be getting some extra moments of joy running around showing off her new "pretty."
I told Mama that I wouldn't be back for a few days because I was giving a big 60th birthday party for my friend on the 16th and I'd be busy getting things ready for that. She was always happy when she knew that I was entertaining. It seemed to give her pleasure to know that I was doing something for others. Even at 54 years old, my heart was blessed to know that I somehow gave my Mama reasons to be proud of me.
I hugged her again, kissed her sweet face, told her I'd be back in a few days, to call if she needed me, that I loved her...
I walked down the hallway...and something (which I now know was the all-knowing Spirit of God living inside me) began to overwhelm my heart with a desire to tell her I loved her again. Silly...you just told her...I'm feeling it so strongly though...Why not?? So I turned my sassy tail around and went back. I opened her door, peeked inside, and said, "I just love you so much, my Mommy!"
With a look and a smile that could never be erased from my memory, she so happily replied, "And I love YOU so much!"

And that was the last time...the last chance..the last look..the last words.

I miss my Mother!! I won't ever, ever stop missing her!

But you know what? There is a God who lives inside me and who lived inside my mother who knew things that I didn't know. That same God who prompted me to go back that day IS God and He has promised me that my weeping will only last for the night and that a shout of joy will come in the morning!

I can never be grateful enough for the prompting of the Spirit of my God that day...for desiring to leave me with that last memory, those last words...

I'll see you in just a few days...I'll see you in the morning, my Mommy!! I think maybe it won't be long....

And Just Like That, She Was Gone

April 16, 2013: The last day that Mama would take a breath of earthly air on her own.

Lord, It seems to me as if we live just a few minutes….We make our mark for good or ill….we mark off the years and the days one by one…and then….. there just aren't any more.

Just…..STOP. THE END. LAST DAY. THAT'S ALL.

 Incredibly sobering!!!!

I can't describe in words the feeling I get when I look at this precious calendar, my Lord. I don't like it much…the abrupt "STOP".  NO MORE…...

 It feels like there ought to be a story after the last mark, Lord. Something that kind of explains the abrupt END! Something that eases us out….

But there IS a story…many stories, in fact that You wrote on my heart after that last "X"; stories that tender my heart; stories that make me all the more certain that my Mother's God, whom she introduced me to, IS God!

Death seems so cruel however it comes….

For me, A phone call…

"Your mother is sick. She's not responding well. I've called an ambulance……."

A Doctor:

"Your mother has a very large bleed."

"I need to know NOW if you want her intubated."

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!! I WASN'T READY FOR THIS! WHAT??? A SWORD ENTERED MY SOUL.

I said to Blake, "I can't do this." And immediately, I thought of a gift that had been given to me just hours earlier that very day which said, "I Can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." WOW! Talk about a word in due season!! I knew at that moment why I had been given that gift.

Looking back, I remember so vividly when Mama nearly burned her apartment down after forgetting that she had something on the stove and going to bed. It was no accident that someone came visiting that night!

She'd cared for Calvin so faithfully up to his death and when she herself saw that she was becoming forgetful, we had asked You about it.

And on the back, she'd blotted her lips and left this prayer in her Bible.

And You answered her, my Lord! It was nothing short of a miracle that Mama was able to live out her days at WCV.

I remember sitting with Jim McIntire at the VA office and the LOOOOOOOOONG list of documentation he needed in order to receive the spousal benefits to live there. Documentation of the last corespondence Calvin had with the VA, Marriage certificates, Calvin's death certificate; Calvin's x-wife's death certificate, and on and on and on…………..

At this point, Mama would NEVER remember where any of these things were, IF indeed she even had them.

But wait…..

Jim seems to remember that Calvin has a file that Mama had helped him put together several years earlier.

And what do you know??? It was ALLLLLL RIGHT THERE!!! Mama had worked on getting some VA assistance for Calvin years earlier and it had been to no avail for him.

But YOU knew, my Lord, that in fact, You were even then,  providing for MAMA'S care in her twilight years.

 Why does that not surprise me??? For doesYour Word not say, "I will go ahead of you and prepare the way…" Mama thought she was working on something for Calvin. You were working on something for HER.

And so, to remind Mama always of our prayers and that she was where the Lord had placed her, I put one of Mama's favorite pictures of me looking up to heaven in a frame inscribed with this verse:

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." Ex. 23:20

For us, it was a reminder for those days when she became discontented, as old folks in this kind of place do at times, of how You, Oh Lord had gone before her and prepared this beautiful place for her to live out her days. And I told her I wanted her to remember when she looked at it how we had prayed and that I would continue to pray for her.

But this time, You were going ahead of ME and preparing me for the day when You would come for Mama and take her to THE ultimate place that You had prepared for her; for after her move to heaven, I was told that she had been found with this picture in her possession.

"Had she reached for something when she was falling and knocked it off the wall, causing it to be underneath her body?"

"No ma'am," answered the paramedic. "It was IN HER POSSESSION."

"Please don't tell me something to make me feel better. I really want to know exactly where it was and how you think it got there."

"Ma'am, it was IN HER POSSESSION. My partner read it when he put it aside while I was working on her. We all felt inspired by it…so much so that we came back afterwards and told our supervisor about it. Ma'am, she was holding it."

Because of the way that my mother was laying when she was found, as if she had been gently laid on the floor; because of the way her knees were bent with her shins propped against the closet door, as if she had first fallen to her knees; because of the picture she was holding in her hand when she was found, I cannot help but wonder…Did she walk out of the bathroom to find YOU standing there waiting to take her home? Did the angel of the Lord hand her the picture?

I don't know exactly how it happened.

But for now, I know this…

It was NO ACCIDENT that my Mama was able to live out her days at WCV. It was NO ACCIDENT that I received the gift that I received that day; It was NO ACCIDENT that my Mama was holding THAT picture with THAT Scripture on it.

"You who have been borne by Me from birth
And have been carried by Me from the womb;
Even to your old age, I shall be the same,
And even to your graying years I shall bear you!
I have done it, and I shall carry you;
And I shall bear you, and I shall deliver you." Is. 46:3b,4